Sonnet 1

Nobody said it would be easy Being a mother is a difficult task. Everyday I try not to go crazy I wonder for how long this will last. I used to sleep for eight hours straight, go out with my friends and have fun. Now I wake up early morning and stay up till late and only have an hour to get my things done. When you are asleep I sit down and think how my life has changed. I stare at your face, I don't want to blink, I don't want my life rearranged. I cherish every moment I spend with you, coz when you grow up someday, then what do I do?

*Do you remember?*

Remind me the story of how we fell in love? The hurdles we passed to be where we are today Remind me how it was When we got to how we both felt... was the same, Remember that day? Memories are memories we need to cherish Feelings are feelings Don't let it perish During that time we knew... Love wasn't easy Love was confusing Love was challenging But it sure was amazing Looking back, After so long We have held on to a love so strong It's about forgiving, Compromising Being patient and understanding Years later we know... Love still isn't easy Love still is confusing Love still is challenging But it sure is amazing

Pause

Wait. Stop. Breathe. Look around, what do you see? People walking, running, not knowing when to freeze. Sleep is what you need But you keep fighting it You want to stop and read But you keep postponing it. You should be excercising But you keep eating more food You keep procrastinating When you know it's not good. You want to confess your love You wish "he/ she was mine" The clock is ticking You are losing time. Life waits for no one Time does not wait But unless you pause and take a step back, You can't make life great. ~RTW~ 07/11/2022

Confused soul

It hurts... to love someone so much and yet know they can't love you back as they love someone else. What's confusing is, maybe they love you too but there is someone else that they love more. It's a losing battle but you still want to keep fighting. You know how the end is going to be. You know you'll be forgotten at the end. The other person will win. I know all this.. I knew all this.. and yet, I am in love. I am in love with a person I can't be with. I can't let go. I can't turn back and forget all about it. I just can't. Every time I try to let go, my heart doesn't let me. It's like I am addicted to this forbidden love. Is it worth it? I do not know. I know he loves another so deeply. I know he is hurt. He appears to be so strong and yet I know he is hurt. He is confused. Is he in love with just one other or are there two? He is supposed to know girls more than anything else, and yet I feel he is more lost than I am. I have more experience than people can imagine I would. I understand feelings more than others would think I do. I can feel pain and I know what it is like to be hurt and rejected. It's nothing new to me. This is not the first time I am in this type of situation. I know what I am doing. I know what I should do to avoid more pain, and yet, I want to go on.. It's like I am becoming immune to pain. What is this? I do not know.

Misunderstood

I'm misunderstood
You don't hear a word I say
I just wish i could explain
I've never felt this way

We talk and we talk
But you walk away
I try calling you back
You still push me away

I'm misunderstood
I know what I've done
I thought it was good
now I've got no place to run

I can see the disappointment
in your eyes
I know I've got to
Pay this price

You're misunderstood
I know i don't understand
I know you're hurt
Give me another chance

I'll start from the beginning
This is not how it should end
I will correct my mistakes
I swear I'll bend

Give me another chance
To prove myself
I need your patience
I just need your help

To get out of this mess
To change who I am
To be stubborn less
I know I can

Regret

This is going to be one sleepless night I'm remembering the things you said I'm guilty, for not treating you right I'm tossing and turning in my bed I've given away the warmth of your love The only warmth left for me are these tears Falling from my eyes with regret You are the jewel I had, but i failed to keep It's true you never know what you've lost till you let go But when you know it's for their own good, You have to lay low I just wish i could be nice I must pay, I must, this price I am one that everyone would despise I am surely the witch in disguise This sleepless night.... the moon is gone, the stars are gone.. And I deserve to be alone...

What's life?

One day a funeral, another day a wedding, one day a party and a free day in between. So many events in life, nothing stops us from going on. There are certain things we have to do from the day we are born. This involves sleepless nights, this involves endless tears, this involves hours of laughter and some days are spent in fear. Some people you like to be with, some people you are dying to meet, some people you try hard to avoid and some people you only greet. Some days you study endlessly, some nights you chat with friends, some days are dedicated for movies, and you stay awake effortlessly. Imagine if life was just one of these? imagine how boring it would be? The mixed bag of events makes life worth living and that, yourself you have to see.

Someone stepped on your foot? Soo...???

I will never understand why people make "tsk" or "ssss" sounds when someone steps on their foot or knocks on them by accident. They even give "annoyed" looks when it is obvious that the other did not mean any harm. It was just an accident... I mean COME ON! People don't go on the road with the intention of accidentally knocking on someone or stepping on another's foot. (Please note, I am not talking about the jobless, IRC people who do it to annoy girls. I am talking about just normal people we meet on the road).

What's even worse is how they quickly smile if it is a friend and keep the annoyed look if it is someone they don't know or don't like.

The other day I was waiting for the elevator at work. There was a man of about 50 waiting for it and while we were there a lady of about 35 came. When the elevator came, the man let us get in first before he got in. (Very gentleman like I thought). Then once he got on, he pressed the button of the floor he needed to go to and took a step back. In doing so, he accidentally stepped on the other woman's foot. The woman made a loud "sssssss" sound and looked away. The man quickly said "sorry" and the woman quietly mumbled a "it's ok" still keeping her annoyed look. The man was upset and said "sorry" again to which the woman said "it's ok", a little louder than the last time. Me being the 3rd party could feel the tension rising. The man got down from the elevator. The moment he got down, the lady looked at her feet and gave me a "oh how careless that man was" look. I just smiled.

Even after I got down from the elevator I couldn't stop thinking that the woman should've reacted in a different way. I am sure it hurt but the poor man didn't mean to hurt her. What if it was her son? What if it was her old father? So many questions ran through my mind.

I just wish people would learn to forgive others even in small things like these. Because if not, how can we learn to forgive bigger things? How can we ever find solutions to bigger problems in the world? A smile can make people happy. We all know how to smile when there is pain. Why not change the way we react even when someone steps on our foot by accident? What's the use of making that person feel bad than they already do?

Just think about this...

What is love?

I've never really been in a relationship. I've had a few crushes and a fling. That's it. :P However, I know a lot about love. People wonder how someone who has never been in a relationship know anything about love. I guess I know about it through the experience of my friends than my personal experience.

I consider myself to be lucky to be the person many people turn to when they have a problem. With listening to their stories and giving advice, I have learnt about love. One thing I know for sure is that we all are going to live a happy life in the end. I've seen many friends settling down with better people with time. None of us are ready to believe just after a breakup that we can move on, but trust me... YOU CAN!

People really find it hard to handle breakups. I know it is truly hard to get over something like that. But what we need to understand is that it is our mind that can make us happy or sad. If we try be optimistic, we can enjoy life to the fullest.

Nothing is the end of the world. Whatever it is, we all need to move on. We need to live life. Coz life just goes on.

If you are heartbroken, I suggest you listen to songs that light you up. The best song I think is "God bless the broken road". It kind of goes with what I believe. Destiny has a plan for all of us. Everything that happens today leads to something great. So, keep believing.

My conclusion about love is that love is a beautiful thing. It is all about feeling that someone else in the world is ready to give you all the attention you need. When people are in love, they think it's the best thing in the world. But when they breakup, they hate it. But what most of us don't realize is, the real meaning of love comes out when you meet the right person. When you find someone who can share love with you and show you what the meaning of it.....that's when you've found love. If you break up with someone, what you had wasn't real love. ;-)

Good luck everyone! :D

Don't speak unless you know about it well.....

Today just as my father came home after work, I happily told him- "We have Marxism in our syllabus". (I am not that into politics and thought this was a good way to make my father happy to know I have learned something he knows well about).

His response surprised me. He said "Ah, Marx...that's nice. So..tell me, what's the name of his book?" (Now I knew we were taught this but I really couldn't remember). Though I told him we were taught about Marx, I never said I studied or read more about him. (I of course couldn't tell him this). So, I softly said "I remember I wrote down the name........"

My father then disapprovingly looked at me. "If you don't know his book, I don't think you know about him at all. (I of course felt so bad. I shouldn't have started this conversation. Now I am in trouble).

I was hoping my father would go to take a wash now. But NO, he asked, "which country is Marx from?" This, was such a simple question and we were taught that too. BUT there was a small problem..... I COULDN'T REMEMBER!!! I know..I know.. Now I do sound really dumb right? I don't know where Marx was from. I gave the most obvious answer... "Russia". My father smiled and said "That's what a lot of people think. But he was a German. And I said "Ahhhhhh...". Actually I knew that...I think! :P

My father went in to the bathroom while still telling me things about Marx. After he went in I was so relieved. I also was blaming myself for starting a conversation without really knowing my facts. I just turned to my mother to tell her this when I heard my father ask from the bathroom "What was Lenin's political party?" I felt like banging my head on the wall. I just jokingly answered, "Sama samaja pakshaya". My father said "Ya.Right!"

I knew it was time for me to quickly escape. So, I went far away so that I couldn't hear even if my father asked another question. However, I learned a good lesson. "Don't speak unless you know, or else you'll get stuck in the middle".

However, my father said he will teach me about Marx when he has time. I am going to read about Marx and be prepared for that. I am not going to teach my dad about Marx... :-D (Or maybe at least try to answer the simple questions he asks... "

Be satisfied with what you’ve got

It has been about two weeks since the University closed down. When I had to go to university I was so bored to wake up in the morning, get dressed and go. I used to complain that I want to spend time at home doing nothing. I wanted to read books, watch movies and sleep all I want.

For the past two weeks I have been at home, doing all that I dreamt of doing. My wish finally came true. But then, now I am hoping university will start again. I am bored doing those things I was dying to do when I had to go to University.

Now isn’t this strange? Well, not really. Humans are such that they always want the things that they don’t have. The saying “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” is very true. It’s true about almost anything. We humans are never satisfied with what we have. We always look for something more, or something different. But when we finally get it, we start to miss what we had.

What can we do about this? I think we should learn to appreciate what we have. A simple example would be hair. All of us have a beautiful hair that is given to us by nature. We have curly hair, straight hair, wavy hair etc. Each hair we have suits us perfectly I think. But NO, we are not happy with it (well, not everyone but most of us are not). People who have straight hair look at their friends with curly or wavy hair and say “wow! I wish my hair was curly. I don’t like it so straight”. The one with curly hair has a different thing to say. She would say “Oh, I wish I had straight hair like yours. My hair never stays the same.”

This is how it is. But when you really think about it, you will see it’s not about the hair, it’s about not being able to be happy with what you have. If we start thinking about everything like that, we are never going to be happy. So, why don’t we all try to be grateful for what we have? Why don’t we appreciate the people around us, the things we’ve got? Let’s start to think in a new way. I think we all will be able to enjoy life that way.

Now I am going to enjoy my time at home to the maximum. When university reopens, I am going to enjoy that too. But I am never ever going to complain again. A change is good, yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to complain about what I have right? Let life come to me the way it wants, I am going to invite any change with open arms.

A friendship quote I found...

"Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead".

- Anna Cummins

Why I like to travel by bus- Part Two

Once I was travelling with my mother. We were both standing on the bus. This bus was a little crowded because it was the office time. It was arounf 5pm and everyone looked tired. Next to us, there was a man who was around 65 years of age and he couldn't help but fall asleep. It was not easy for him because he was standing. He had his spectacles clipped on to his shirt pocket and was holding on to the poll while falling asleep once in a while. This went on for about 20mins when I suddenly noticed that this man's spectacles were no longer inside his pocket but was hanging on the hair of the lady who was sitting just next to the place this man was standing. This lady had curley hair and the spectacles looked very comfortable hanging there.

I slowly nudged my mother and showed it to her. Both of us couldn't help laughing. A few others noticed too and then the lady felt that something was hanging on to her hair. When she checked what is was she smiled too. The man knew nothing of this. He was asleep. The lady woke him up and gave it to him. It was then that the man realized that half the bus was staring at him. He smiled and clipped the spectacles on his pocket and didn't fall asleep again.

It was so funny.. It's one of the incidents I will never forget in my life. I know it's such a normal thing. It could happen to anyone, but it made me laugh! :D

Why I like to travel by bus- Part One

I am one in a million in Sri Lanka who likes to travel by bus. (Not when it's crowded ofcourse... :) ) Bus rides are indeed interesting. There are many things that you can witness while travelling by bus. Things that you can never see when you are inside a vehicle. I have seen and heard many things. Most of them very funny. So, I thought I should share those stories with you all.

Let me start with one of my favourites. This happened about 6 months ago when I was on my way to Uni. In Sri Lanka, most of the private bus conductors don't issue tickets. People don't seem to care since they just want to reach their destination. I must say it's the same with me. I don't care whether the conductor gives me the ticket or not because anyway i'm going to throw it the moment I go home.

This particular day, I got on to a 138(Kadawatha-Pettah) bus and gave the conductor money and he just took it without giving me a ticket. After that as usual I started day dreaming about all sorts of things. That is one thing I enjoy doing when i'm in a bus. Half way through my day dreaming was disturbed when the conductor started throwing tickets at all the people. It didnt take me long to realize that our bus has been notified by another that there are officials who check for tickets a miles ahead. The conductor was giving everyone tickets as fast as he could. And in doing so he was giving about 3 or 4 tickets to one person. And suddenly the bus was stopped in less than 5 minutes. The conductor tried to look cool and the officers who check for tickets(aka- "Tikko") came inside and asked the people to show their tickets.

Now you must be wondering what's so funny about this story.. :P Ok...here is the funny part... one "tikka" asked for a ticket from an old lady. Usually each person is supposed to get ONLY one ticket. But since the conductor gave about 3,4 tickets to one, this poor old lady gave all four tickets to the tikka. This drove the tikka mad. He turned to the conductor and asked him "you gave the tickets just now didn't you?" and scolded him. The bus driver had to pay a fine too. The whole bus was laughing at this incident. I couldn't help thinking it was a good lesson for the conductor. However, the conductor was blaming the old lady the whole way. But the lady innocently said "how was I to know? You gave me four tickets". :D

Ha ha ha! Now wasn't that funny? ;-)

We'll get through...

Yesterday was a weird day. I found out that I have to give up liking a person. I didn't let it get to me.. But the funny thing was, 3 separate friends who were talking to me had a similar story to tell me y'day. Everyone is hurt.

One likes a boy but he doesn't like her back. The other likes a girl but she doesn't love him back. The third story was similar to this too. I was thinking, guess am not the only one who's hurt. Compared to all the stories, I felt that what I am going through is nothing. I mean am not hurt at all. I guess it's coz I always knew things might not work out. But listening to my friends say that they are hurt just broke my heart. I guess I can handle me being hurt, but I hate to see my friends hurt. But what I told all of them was, we'll get through this together. As long as there's family and friends around you, why be hurt?

Why do people get hurt when one person doesn't love you the way you want them to love you? If we get hurt because of that, what would the rest of the people who love us feel? I mean, if we say we feel that we have lost hope because one person has hurt us, the others who love us with all their hearts will feel hopeless. Therefore I am never ever going to lose hope or feel sad till I have my family and best friends around me.

I would like to thank all the people who make my life brighter! Without you all, my life would be nothing.. No one can replace the love you all give me. I am the most luckiest person on earth! *Bow*

The End!

I just stared at him like an idiot when he said he likes someone else... I guess I got the answer to the question I have had for all these years... It's the end! But not end of the world...but end of my confusion and hope that he would like me! But I am not sad. This is after all a new beginning... I am happy for him. Hope things work out well. Good luck my friend! :D

What I feel right now!

Umm.. I feel happy, sleepy,confused, lazy, full(after a heavy b'fast and hot chocolate, tired, great etc. AND I am wondering... how can one person feel all these things at the same time? :P

The girl who fell in love...

This is a story of a girl who fell in love.
she met a boy once, she met him twice and thrice
she met him every week,they didn't at all speak.
One day they spoke, just normal stuff..
and later they parted and it was the end, she thought.

About three months passed, she met him again.
still it was normal, she met him every week again
This went on for months and still it was nothing new.
she focused on books coz that's what she was supposed to do.

Exams came and went, she forgot all about the boy,
the boy she kept on meeting every once in a while.
They were never going to meet again, I bet that's what she thought,
till she met him again at an unexpected place.

They spoke more than two,three words,
they spoke for a while.
She knew he was so much like her
they had been separated by a mile.

After this they became friends,
and talked for almost everyday
and she was falling for him,
so much she could not say.
She liked him more and more each day
she didn't know how to get out of his way

Once again it was time for them to part,
the boy left the country and it broke the girl's heart,
but fate didn't want them to lose contact
they kept in touch,thank God for the internet!

It has been two years since he's left
and they are still friends
friends I think they'll be
until the end of time............

Tired.......

I don't like it when life gets too complicated...

But guess what? I have too much of work to do lately... There is not a single minute of the day that I wish I could lie on my bed and sleep forever. I don't wake up fresh anymore. If I wasn't me, I would be dead by now! I can't really complain though coz I've made myself like this.. I try to do so many things at once and make it so hard for me. What is wrong with me? I was never like this.. I never let my life get too complicated. But then I guess i'm still alive and kicking.... that means... it's not as complicated as it seems to be.

I feel so tired....but I will some how hold on till December............

Dogs...

I've met people who love dogs, hate dogs, who are scared of dogs, who think dogs are alright as long as they are out of reach etc. I love dogs. However there is one dog in this world that I don't like. That is our neighbor's black pomeranian dog. Every time I step into our neighbour's shop, I hear the deafening bark of the black beast inside. (Sorry for calling it "beast" but he really is a beast). So far he has bitten around 6 people who went to buy goods from the shop.

That dog is 1/5 of my size and yet never forgets to bark while I buy the stuff from the shop. It doesn't stop barking till I walk a few miles past the shop. It really annoys me. I'm sure no dog hates me as much as our neighbor's dog. I don't know why it hates me so much! I have never even said anything to that dog. It just doesn't like me I guess. Thank god that dog is inside the shop and not outside. I fear if he ever gets out from the shop, he will surely bite me. There's no doubt about that. I can see the hatred in his eyes. :(

I love dogs. I really do. But then what can I do if our neighbour's dog doesn't know that? But who cares? As long as my dog loves me, I'm o.k. :) Oh well, loving, caring and giving food is not enough when it comes to dogs. I realized that today. I have been neglecting our dog for a while. Yes, I play with him everyday but haven't taken him for his vaccinations in months. Today while playing with our dog, he jumped and his tooth hit my lip. It started bleeding and when I went to the doctor she said that I will have to get all the rabies vaccines. (Serves me right for not taking good care of our dog. )

I don't mind getting vaccinations. What I fear is that the nurses at the hospital will blast me for not taking the dog for vaccinations on time. Oh help!!! Guess taking care of a dog is not that easy. Unless you can take care of it, you shouldn't keep a dog. Guess this was a good lesson for me. I guess I should rather say this "is" a good lesson because I will have to get vaccines for 2 weeks. Wish me luck! Hope it won't be that bad. And I will take our dog to the vet as soooooon as I can.